I sometimes do the “Right Thing” because I reason someone needs my help,or that without my intervention others are helpless, or sadly and incorrectly that; I have a better perspective on others lives ,and therefore a more affective solution to their problems. I also have the opinion that people who complain to me about their miserable circumstances, or ask help in resolving a minor or major problem, actually want my help and skill in resolving their dilemmas. So I have been shocked and disappointed when my supposed helpless victims, turns on me for being inept or insensitive to their needs, or indifferent as though my Herculean efforts were of little or no value. I secretly was expecting or hoping, that these folks would be eternally grateful, showering me with praise and tell the world of my great selfless acts.
I found that others also harbor these self serving attitudes about working with others, from our Federal government down to the pastor and congregation in the local churches, our misguided attitudes towards helping or needing help often do more harm than good.
My solution for me is just Stop It! If I get too analytical or self critical,I am still practicing my egotistical outlook towards others, and not develpoing a true partnership with people. So when I’m tempted to intervene on behalf of others I now ask myself;” Who are you trying to help? (yourself or others), Why are you trying to help?(for selfish or charitable reasons), Do you actually have the Ability to help in this instance ?(are they complaining as part of their ‘processing”, or is this a ploy to sabotage their own forward momentum?).
This is just my meditation on processes I am changing in my interaction with people, I puzzled out that the more I’m helping others, the less time I have to deal with my own problems, and the less necessary time spent on renewing myself for future life challenges.